Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday was a good day, overall. My mom was with me at
church and it was cute to hear the little primary children singing to us, waving
and giggling at the congregation. Afterwards, I beat the rain and stopped at the
cemetery to visit Ty. There was a good feeling at the cemetery, with so many
bright flowers decorating the grounds in light of Easter and Mother's Day. There
was another feeling there, too -- one I haven't felt in a while, probably
because of my own busy schedule and distracted mind. But I felt like Ty might
have been there with me that day as I, full of emotion, cried and spoke out loud
to my boy. I talked to him about how much I missed him and loved him, and made a
special request from him regarding this upcoming labor. I have to hope and
believe he'll be there with me through the experience of receiving his sister at
the hospital.
I know Ty doesn't hang out at the cemetery like a ghost. But there really was something different there on Sunday -- something that isn't normally there during my brief visits to drop off flowers or check on his headstone. I think he knows where to find me at times when I am spiritually and emotionally ready to receive impressions. He probably checks in more than I notice because of how busy life has become. I think it's just like with the Holy Ghost and receiving personal revelation: If we're too busy and distracted we miss those key impressions. I wonder how many times I've missed special moments like that . . .
I am so ready for this baby to come! There wasn't much significant progress made at my doctor's appointment on Monday, so I was a little disappointed. I keep hoping I go into labor early! I have been in nesting-overdrive, organizing and deep-cleaning everything (and gratefully with Dan's immense help. He's such an amazing husband!) There's nothing more for me to do but wait and I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin! People ask me almost on a daily basis, "Are you ready?" YES. I don't know how I can be more ready! Physically, baby "stuff" is bought and organized and the house is in check. Emotionally, I've been dying to have this part of my life back for over a year! Sure, it's been nice to sleep in when I want and go about my business with the ease of one adult person. But at the cost that I'm living this life, it's not worth it and I'd trade it in for a crying baby and sleepless nights any day. I know there will be hard days ahead, but it has to be better than this feeling of waiting, waiting, waiting . . . Waiting for the life I once knew, if only for those brief 4 1/2 months that felt like a lifetime of happiness.
I am grateful I know a portion of what it's like to be a mother. There is just nothing quite like it.
Thank you, Ty Baby, for letting me experience such a special gift. Thank you to my own mother for helping me know what unconditional love feels like and the importance of keeping our family ties strong.
Happy Mother's Day.
I know Ty doesn't hang out at the cemetery like a ghost. But there really was something different there on Sunday -- something that isn't normally there during my brief visits to drop off flowers or check on his headstone. I think he knows where to find me at times when I am spiritually and emotionally ready to receive impressions. He probably checks in more than I notice because of how busy life has become. I think it's just like with the Holy Ghost and receiving personal revelation: If we're too busy and distracted we miss those key impressions. I wonder how many times I've missed special moments like that . . .
I am so ready for this baby to come! There wasn't much significant progress made at my doctor's appointment on Monday, so I was a little disappointed. I keep hoping I go into labor early! I have been in nesting-overdrive, organizing and deep-cleaning everything (and gratefully with Dan's immense help. He's such an amazing husband!) There's nothing more for me to do but wait and I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin! People ask me almost on a daily basis, "Are you ready?" YES. I don't know how I can be more ready! Physically, baby "stuff" is bought and organized and the house is in check. Emotionally, I've been dying to have this part of my life back for over a year! Sure, it's been nice to sleep in when I want and go about my business with the ease of one adult person. But at the cost that I'm living this life, it's not worth it and I'd trade it in for a crying baby and sleepless nights any day. I know there will be hard days ahead, but it has to be better than this feeling of waiting, waiting, waiting . . . Waiting for the life I once knew, if only for those brief 4 1/2 months that felt like a lifetime of happiness.
I am grateful I know a portion of what it's like to be a mother. There is just nothing quite like it.
Thank you, Ty Baby, for letting me experience such a special gift. Thank you to my own mother for helping me know what unconditional love feels like and the importance of keeping our family ties strong.
Happy Mother's Day.
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