Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Over the last month or so at church, there seems to be an
emphasis on seeking the Holy Ghost. This past Sunday, I felt like all of
sacrament meeting and Relief Society focused on this very topic, as well as the
basics of scripture study and prayer.
Lately, I have been feeling antsy, like I'm not doing enough. I see all my friends and family busy with kids or work and here I am, with so much free time and I wonder all the time, "What am I doing??" The reason I didn't get a job was in hopes that I would be writing more or that a publishing opportunity would come my way already, so I'd be able to utilize the free-time. And I'm trying to write and work on Ty's book, which I'm making headway on in small chunks. But I don't know why it's been difficult for me to just sit and do it. Once I start writing, the words and thoughts eventually come, but it's getting to that point of being able to focus that I struggle with. I also waste a lot of time in the morning trying to convince myself that I want to workout because I always feel accomplished and so much better once I do. But I drag my feet! I have that irritating dissatisfaction with my life these days... The more we talk about graduating law school and having a baby and moving into our own house, the more I just want to be there right now! I feel tired of waiting, even though life right now is comfortable and I'm more or less content. But something is definitely going on here and I can't figure it out.
Over the last couple weeks, and especially the last few days, I've been thinking so much about starting my day off with a spiritual thought. It could be reading an ensign article, scriptures, a spiritual book... but I feel like I need to do something to get me back on track. I just had a thought that maybe the antsy-feeling I have is not about being physically busy, but reaching that spiritual peak that I'm gradually slipping from. I've talked about this before, but it truly takes effort to stay on top and to hold onto that precious feeling of peace and comfort and the Spirit. The things I need to be holding onto are the same: the basics of the gospel, including prayer, scripture study, and attending the temple. Those are the simple things that make us strong and spiritually minded on a daily basis. Those are the things that invite the Holy Ghost into our lives.
In the mail yesterday, I received a card from a woman in the ward I do not know. But I've read it a few times over now, treasuring her words:
Dear Sista Erica ~
Today when you told us the news of your daughter, my heart leapt with joy. One of my first weeks in the ward, you taught RS & mentioned your son. I was struck by the story then, but much more now. See, my older sista passed on before I was born as well. I wanted to tell you today: There have been MANY times in my life when I know she has been there, helped me, & guided me. It was impressed upon my mind today that it will be the same for your daughter. Your oldest son will continue in his role as the protective, oldest sibling in the lives of your children... just in another way. Thank you for your shining example of faith.
I'm grateful that this woman followed promptings to share these things with me. I am instantly reminded of the most important things in life--all of which I remember when I think of Ty. It doesn't really matter how much I exercise or how much I fill my day with errands or work. But I do need to climb back on top of that spiritual peak. The further I fall, the harder the climb.
I'm reminded of a funny memory a couple years ago when I went snow-shoeing for the first time with Dan and my brother, Ryan. Ryan took us on this crazy, unmarked trail up this mountain of snow. At one point, I was exhausted and kept slipping at one of the most steep parts of the path Ryan had paved for us. I simply could not make it up the slope! Ryan, skilled and full of over-zealous, inexplicable energy, came back for me. Positioning himself behind me, he shoved my rump up that incline with his shoulder and hands until I was on even ground again! By the end of it, I didn't know if I was more fatigued from the climb or laughing so hard!
It's a hilarious yet somewhat sentimental memory to me at the same time. Ryan was more experienced and had the skills to assist me when I was down. In regards to the Holy Ghost and spiritual matters, I think about that all the time: How we each need to be assisting each other when we're feeling strong. We can do that by sharing our experiences, our testimonies, or even day-to-day advice that makes our days run smoother.
I'm feeling better now. And even though I'm sitting here in my pajamas, with unkempt hair and no make-up at twelve-thirty pm, I'm feeling a little accomplished...because I've taken the time to work through an inner-struggle, replacing it with the peace and Spirit I should always be looking for.
Lately, I have been feeling antsy, like I'm not doing enough. I see all my friends and family busy with kids or work and here I am, with so much free time and I wonder all the time, "What am I doing??" The reason I didn't get a job was in hopes that I would be writing more or that a publishing opportunity would come my way already, so I'd be able to utilize the free-time. And I'm trying to write and work on Ty's book, which I'm making headway on in small chunks. But I don't know why it's been difficult for me to just sit and do it. Once I start writing, the words and thoughts eventually come, but it's getting to that point of being able to focus that I struggle with. I also waste a lot of time in the morning trying to convince myself that I want to workout because I always feel accomplished and so much better once I do. But I drag my feet! I have that irritating dissatisfaction with my life these days... The more we talk about graduating law school and having a baby and moving into our own house, the more I just want to be there right now! I feel tired of waiting, even though life right now is comfortable and I'm more or less content. But something is definitely going on here and I can't figure it out.
Over the last couple weeks, and especially the last few days, I've been thinking so much about starting my day off with a spiritual thought. It could be reading an ensign article, scriptures, a spiritual book... but I feel like I need to do something to get me back on track. I just had a thought that maybe the antsy-feeling I have is not about being physically busy, but reaching that spiritual peak that I'm gradually slipping from. I've talked about this before, but it truly takes effort to stay on top and to hold onto that precious feeling of peace and comfort and the Spirit. The things I need to be holding onto are the same: the basics of the gospel, including prayer, scripture study, and attending the temple. Those are the simple things that make us strong and spiritually minded on a daily basis. Those are the things that invite the Holy Ghost into our lives.
In the mail yesterday, I received a card from a woman in the ward I do not know. But I've read it a few times over now, treasuring her words:
Dear Sista Erica ~
Today when you told us the news of your daughter, my heart leapt with joy. One of my first weeks in the ward, you taught RS & mentioned your son. I was struck by the story then, but much more now. See, my older sista passed on before I was born as well. I wanted to tell you today: There have been MANY times in my life when I know she has been there, helped me, & guided me. It was impressed upon my mind today that it will be the same for your daughter. Your oldest son will continue in his role as the protective, oldest sibling in the lives of your children... just in another way. Thank you for your shining example of faith.
I'm grateful that this woman followed promptings to share these things with me. I am instantly reminded of the most important things in life--all of which I remember when I think of Ty. It doesn't really matter how much I exercise or how much I fill my day with errands or work. But I do need to climb back on top of that spiritual peak. The further I fall, the harder the climb.
I'm reminded of a funny memory a couple years ago when I went snow-shoeing for the first time with Dan and my brother, Ryan. Ryan took us on this crazy, unmarked trail up this mountain of snow. At one point, I was exhausted and kept slipping at one of the most steep parts of the path Ryan had paved for us. I simply could not make it up the slope! Ryan, skilled and full of over-zealous, inexplicable energy, came back for me. Positioning himself behind me, he shoved my rump up that incline with his shoulder and hands until I was on even ground again! By the end of it, I didn't know if I was more fatigued from the climb or laughing so hard!
It's a hilarious yet somewhat sentimental memory to me at the same time. Ryan was more experienced and had the skills to assist me when I was down. In regards to the Holy Ghost and spiritual matters, I think about that all the time: How we each need to be assisting each other when we're feeling strong. We can do that by sharing our experiences, our testimonies, or even day-to-day advice that makes our days run smoother.
I'm feeling better now. And even though I'm sitting here in my pajamas, with unkempt hair and no make-up at twelve-thirty pm, I'm feeling a little accomplished...because I've taken the time to work through an inner-struggle, replacing it with the peace and Spirit I should always be looking for.
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