Monday, November 8, 2010
I spoke with a mother tonight who lost her 3 1/2
month-old son to SIDS three years ago. Q is the older sister of one of my
college roommates, both of whom offered me support when they found out Ty passed
away. Q called me tonight and we were able to talk for the first time,
sharing our very similar experiences. While I was not crying, my whole body was
trembling for the first twenty minutes that we spoke. I wasn't overwhelmed with
sadness, but for some reason I couldn't stop shaking. Perhaps it was just
knowing that Q could truly feel everything I was saying, and I could feel
everything she was saying. I couldn't believe how much we could understand each
other--in how that awful morning played out, to the grief, the healing,
immediate desires of pregnancy...and fears following birth of a new child. Of
course, I haven't experienced that last one yet, but the anticipation is there.
In speaking with Q, I think I kind of hoped she would tell me that the night-time fear goes away. That is not the case. We talked about the use of sensory monitors that will alert parents of lack of movement or breathing. Dan and I have talked about using that for our own sanity, though pediatricians don't recommend it because of the false alarms and unnecessary panic it can cause. But I was told tonight it does bring more peace than anything else. I've wondered before, "Knowing what I know--that Ty fulfilled his plan on earth and Heavenly Father called him Home, and there was nothing I could do about it, I shouldn't be afraid." But I am mortal and I am afraid. I am not perfect, and may have to accept that night-times are one more area in my life where I will face challenges in working through these feelings.
While Q and I instantly bonded over our grief, I was more uplifted by hearing about her healing. I am comforted knowing she has had two more children, and that her baby who passed away is a regular part of their family, along with her two older children. Life has continued for her. She has survived and progressed, and still loves her sweet son more deeply than even before. She offered me hope tonight, and that is something I am always looking for. It's strange to think that one day I will be where she is. I long for it it, yet feel hesitant at the same time to leave behind what I know and live daily right now. But I will be there when I'm ready, I suppose.
I feel more encouraged than I all ready am to continue writing Ty's story, which really is more like "our story" as I reflect on both Dan's and my feelings through this process. There is something helpful--something healing--about sharing experiences with others, both the good and the bad.
I am grateful for the support in my life and for all the love I've been able to feel. People need people! I hope I continue to be lead towards people who can help me, so I can one day return the favor to them or through helping others.
In speaking with Q, I think I kind of hoped she would tell me that the night-time fear goes away. That is not the case. We talked about the use of sensory monitors that will alert parents of lack of movement or breathing. Dan and I have talked about using that for our own sanity, though pediatricians don't recommend it because of the false alarms and unnecessary panic it can cause. But I was told tonight it does bring more peace than anything else. I've wondered before, "Knowing what I know--that Ty fulfilled his plan on earth and Heavenly Father called him Home, and there was nothing I could do about it, I shouldn't be afraid." But I am mortal and I am afraid. I am not perfect, and may have to accept that night-times are one more area in my life where I will face challenges in working through these feelings.
While Q and I instantly bonded over our grief, I was more uplifted by hearing about her healing. I am comforted knowing she has had two more children, and that her baby who passed away is a regular part of their family, along with her two older children. Life has continued for her. She has survived and progressed, and still loves her sweet son more deeply than even before. She offered me hope tonight, and that is something I am always looking for. It's strange to think that one day I will be where she is. I long for it it, yet feel hesitant at the same time to leave behind what I know and live daily right now. But I will be there when I'm ready, I suppose.
I feel more encouraged than I all ready am to continue writing Ty's story, which really is more like "our story" as I reflect on both Dan's and my feelings through this process. There is something helpful--something healing--about sharing experiences with others, both the good and the bad.
I am grateful for the support in my life and for all the love I've been able to feel. People need people! I hope I continue to be lead towards people who can help me, so I can one day return the favor to them or through helping others.
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