Thursday, June 24, 2010
Our friend Chris McClain did an absolutely amazing job Ty's DVD, putting Ty's pictures and home videos to touching music. It captures Ty's life and the wonderful moments Dan and I shared with him as a family so very well.
I have been avoiding watching it for over a month now. The video used to make me happy to watch it and I hardly cried after the first couple times. I felt close to Ty when I watched it. But for some reason, it is getting harder to watch these days. I thought I was strong enough today. I literally felt trepidation as I clicked on the "play" button, not sure I was ready for whatever emotions were to come. But I don't want to be afraid to feel for my baby. So I watched it just now...and couldn't contain the pain... but in between spurts of crying, the tears dried on my face as I smiled and laughed at the memories. And I felt...something...that soothed me between each cry.
Dan and I are trying to get pregnant again. I don't know how long it will take this time, but I am trying to be optimistic. And yet...sometimes, with some guilt I pray and ask God if it's possible to love another baby as much as I love Ty. Is there room in my fractured and mending heart?
I'm sure other mothers have wondered the same thing.
I believe it must be true.
No comments:
Post a Comment