Thursday, March 8, 2012
I love most Disney movies. As a kid, the big event every
summer was going back to the states so we could watch their new animated
musical. However, "Dumbo" was one Disney I never really liked. Even as a child,
I found it disturbing -- especially the scene where Dumbo's mother is locked up
in a cage. Dumbo manages to sneak away to her for a visit. Chained too tightly
to even look out from her barred windows, his mother sticks out her trunk and
caresses Dumbo's face and wraps her trunk around his little one. The evident
love and longing between the two of them is so emotional. As big tears falls
from Dumbo's eyes, the mother elephant scoops up her baby and cradles him with
her trunk, and she rocks him while the lullaby "Baby Mine" plays in the
background:
I was in the kitchen this
morning thinking about Ty and wondering how I'll be feeling in a couple days.
Just last night, I was telling Dan, "Sometimes it feels like it's just going to
be another day. I don't think it's going to be hard really." (Oh, the
denial!) As I was putting dishes away, this song played on my Pandora radio,
stirring mixed emotions. The song itself is beautiful but the scene from Dumbo
always comes to mind. Walking over to the computer, I couldn't decide if I
wanted to change the song or not, and before I knew it, I was sitting at the
computer bawling -- cursing Disney for this horrible scene of a mother and her
baby forced to be apart.
Through my sobbing, I glanced over to the playroom behind me. Aiyana had wedged herself between the wall and the glass door. Watching me with a somber expression, she placed her little hand on the glass. (Seriously? Right at that moment??) The image of her trapped behind the window pane that separated the two of us, with her hand reaching out to me further broke my heart. I hurried to her, trying to wipe the tears away but as I scooped her up, the pictures of Ty all over the playroom flooded my vision and I completely lost it. The deep-rooted pain erupted, pulling from my womb as it tends to do. I squeezed Aiyana against me, feeling badly that I was crying like this in front of her. . . but she simply wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder for a minute, quiet and serene. She let me cry. It's short-lived moments like this where I feel like she understands, and it's in these moments where I feel the role-reversal between Ty and me, like he's the one saying to me:
If you want to see the scene I'm talking
about, go to this link. Bring a tissue! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCgDgJsTR_w
*sigh* . . . everyone needs a good cry once in a while.
Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of
mine
Through my sobbing, I glanced over to the playroom behind me. Aiyana had wedged herself between the wall and the glass door. Watching me with a somber expression, she placed her little hand on the glass. (Seriously? Right at that moment??) The image of her trapped behind the window pane that separated the two of us, with her hand reaching out to me further broke my heart. I hurried to her, trying to wipe the tears away but as I scooped her up, the pictures of Ty all over the playroom flooded my vision and I completely lost it. The deep-rooted pain erupted, pulling from my womb as it tends to do. I squeezed Aiyana against me, feeling badly that I was crying like this in front of her. . . but she simply wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder for a minute, quiet and serene. She let me cry. It's short-lived moments like this where I feel like she understands, and it's in these moments where I feel the role-reversal between Ty and me, like he's the one saying to me:
Mother mine, don't you cry
Mother mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, mother of
mine
*sigh* . . . everyone needs a good cry once in a while.
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