Peace Garden

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Karl J is one of the most amazing Recreation Therapists I've ever met, as well as one of the most genuine, loving people I know. Just like last year, this spring I was asked to cover for his Recreation Therapy (RT) groups at the residential treatment center (RTC) he works at. The week before Ty passed away, I worked two hours on Tuesday through Friday and met about 35 teenage boys. I brought Ty to work with me on Friday since we were just playing outside. I was surprised how quickly I connected with these boys, and how much they loved playing with Ty. I heard when Ty passed away, many of the boys struggled with grieving for me and wanted to help. Last week, I was brought an envelope of money from the RTC - with a significant portion of money given up by these boys from their weekly activity money. The therapists, administration, and mentors also contributed. I was so touched, I didn't even know how to respond.

Then Karl called and asked Dan and I to attend a memorial in Ty's honor, partly to give the boys some closure and to discuss the grieving process. We met in the dining hall and Karl gave a nice talk on losing loved ones and how to cope. Then one of the therapists read a wonderful book called, "Tear Soup", which makes metaphors and parallels to grieving. After that, we went outside to take part in the "Peace Garden".

Karl explained that he was holding onto a potted Weeping Willow Tree. The reason this area will be landscaped into a beautiful "Peace Garden" is because this tree will grow into a full-blown weeping willow tree that will offer shade and a quiet place for people to go when they are feeling sad or in need of comfort. Each of us, including my mom, dad, and Pawnee (my sister)  and her kids who were in attendance, took turns shoveling a little bit of sand around the pot.


After each of us took part, Karl invited any of the boys, mentors, and therapists to also share in the experience. I couldn't help but cry as I watched many of these boys, one by one, shovel a bit of dirt into the hole, then come over and offer me a heart-felt hug and perhaps a matching tear. As the pile of dirt diminished, Karl let go of the tree and said, "Look how well this tree stands on its own when it is supported".
I was given a few blue and white helium balloons to hold onto. Then everyone circled around my family and I, as well as the tree. On the count of three, everyone yelled, "LIFE!" Then we were all silent for a minute, while everyone in my family placed a hand on the balloon strings. When we were ready, we let go and released the balloons into the sky. As Karl explained, we were not letting go of Ty; rather, we were lifting up our hopes and dreams.


It's strange to be on the receiving end of something like this. I'm so used to being a part of the facilitating. But it was also very nice and touching beyond words. I'm learning to humble myself and allow others to help me, even though my first instinct is that I can do it myself. But just because I can - or at least think I can - doesn't mean I have to. I'm so grateful for all the people in our lives. We have never felt so much love and support. Thank you...